writing because I don't know what else to do

I just got back from Toronto last night - that's where I was when the Gaza bombings started. It feels inaccurate to say "started" when Gaza began dying over 60 years ago. Don't expect this entry to have any coherent thoughts or follow a clear line of thinking. Nothing is really making sense at the moment.

Over 350 dead. over 1000 in critical condition. over 40 of them children. Kids who look like my brothers.

I told my dad last night I hated Hamas while watching the news I had managed to avoid for the past three days. I told him I couldn't understand why they would keep hitting Israeli territory when they know the retaliation would be so much more than they could compete with. That it wasn't strategic. That all those lives lost could have been avoided. He was silent for a minute before he spoke. He said that Hamas were the only ones reminding people, reminding the world. when most of the Arab world is ready to give in, to lay down and forget the past 60 years, Hamas won't let the world forget. reminding them what Gaza is going through. reminding them that they do not deserve to go quietly in the night. reminding them to remember "We're still here."

Years of being politically active and I'd still forgotten. Take a way a people's will to hope, will to remember their struggles and remind others, you might as well erase them from existance. Hamas is forcing us to remember.

My dad told me to shut off Al Jazeera that I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from. The mood in the house is extra tense today. There's no handbook on how to react when your people are being massacred. Everyone seems on edge. I wish I had the blissful ignorance of my brothers and sisters and go about the meaningless routine of everyday life.

A lot of factors could be discussed here. Factors dealing with Mahmoud Abbas, Hosni Mubarak, Barack, Bush, Jordan, history and holocausts, right vs wrong, and other logical details to analyze the situation. I can't do it rigt now. My heart hurts and my head is spinning. I just want it to stop.

حسبي الله و نعم الوكيل

One Month Later

And I'm still exhausted.




And still in shock.

YES.WE.DID.

No I Can't

When Barack was in Toledo a few months ago, I missed him by thismuch. To say I was bummed was an understatement. So imagine my excitement when I find out he's going to be in Detroit at the Joe.

After much plotting and planning, we left for Detroit at around 3pm and stood in line to see this man I'm so enamored with for over 3 hours. Braving body odor, lack of personal space, and inquisitive minds seeking to liberate scarfed heads, we persevered until the doors opened and we passed through metal detectors to prove we had no intention of harming the good Senator.

Joe Louis Arena is HUGE - it seats about 22,000 people. So we're on a mission to find the best seats possible. As is everyone else. So as I'm dodging slower seekers, I get ahead of my friends by a few steps. I look behind me and they finished talking to a woman wearing one of the volunteer badges and are walking toward me.
I asked them whats up and they replied they had been offered "special seating" behind the stage but were told I couldn't go because of the scarf I happen to wear on my head.
Thinking this another one of our jokes we often make, I say "No, seriously. What were you guys talking about?"
They reply with the same thing - dead serious.

I should mention that I've been lucky enough to not really experience discrimination firsthand. I don't have airport anecdotes starring the TSA, no remarks about WMDs under my hijab, no "Go back to your country"s, not even "yo daddy must be a terrorist" lines. Not serious ones at least. (I think its due to my beautiful melanin - most probably assume I'm blackamerican and not Arab, which of course throws out the terrorist possibility. But thats another discussion for another day) I know people its happened to and I've read and seen the stories and accounts - but I was out of my element here, unsure of how to react. So I stand there staring at them - ignoring the queasiness steadily growing in the pit of my stomach, then continued the quest for perfect seats.

After a few minutes of contemplating seating sections half-heartily, the queasiness becomes un-ignorable and is approaching rage status. So I turn to my friends and tell them I want to find that lady and ask her why. So we venture out of the arena and back into the swarming crowd looking for what I thought to be a needle in a haystack. What were the odds of finding a light-skinned, middle-aged brunette in this crowd? As I was about to give up, my friend points her out. Not gonna lie, I was ready to back out and pretend nothing happened. But the queasiness monster made another appearance. So I approached her and somewhat confrontationally asked (paraphrased because I don't really remember the exact wording in my then state of mind):

-"Excuse me ma'am, is there a reason you told my friends I couldn't sit behind the stage because of my scarf? Because this is not something I'm just wearing for the hell of it."
- "Oh no no no! Its policy - we're not letting anyone with anything on their heads like baseballs or scarves sit behind the stage. It has nothing to do with your religion!"

In other words, you can't sit where the TV cameras will see you. But don't worry, its not you! We're not even letting baseball cap extremists there either!

I could feel myself losing control. I just looked at her and walked away before this escalated. Something I'm continuously regretting as the incident ingrains itself in my mind.

As we're walking, I get a text from a friend at the Joe, who also happens to be a hijabi, inquiring about our seats. I quickly text her what happened and blindly follow my friends, not really wrapping my mind around what happened. We got the next best seats we could find in section 205 and waited for the night to start.

Sometime between the Mosaic kids singing and Chauncey making an appearance, my friend texts me back saying she just had the same experience. Great, now I know its not personal.

The speech was ok, definitely not as amazing as the ones heard on TV - but reality rarely lives up to expectations. The whole thing just totally ruined the experience of hearing Obama speak in person. My mind kept wandering to earlier events, as did my eyes as I strained to see if there were any hijabs or baseball caps behind the stage. (Visually impaired as I am, I didn't have much luck.) And the sound system sucked. But I found myself analyzing the small pieces that I did hear, and becoming skeptical as to how much change is being promised and how much will actually be achieved. Or does change mean for everyone else but me?

Action has been taken: we've contacted the Obama campaign and news has spread rapidly and have reporters ready to take a statement.

Part of me is hesitant, not wanting to make this a big deal. At the end of day, I still believe Obama is the better candidate who can realistically win. There are those who will vote for Nader or other independents running - which is fine, maybe even better morally. But how much change can we aspire to bring about if we facilitate the worse candidate's election into the White House?

But, a bigger part of me is disappointed, angry, and let-down. Disappointed I didn't do more, angry that it happened, and let-down that the Obama campaign continuously perpetuates this attitude towards Muslims and Arabs - as if being merely associated one is a sin. In the words of a dear friend: "Boss up." And start fixing the problems you pretend don't exist.

Dear Baba

You've always been my hero. InshaAllah lay taslam.

Power never takes a back step — only in the face of more power

For those who have been following the absurd firing of Karen Salazar from Jordan High in LA for teaching her students about Sidi Malcolm should check Mark's letter of resignation below. Mark Gonzales is an extremely talented poet who has been featured on Def Poetry Jam and even more talented and dynamic educator.

Shake the dust, fam.

Con Espiritu,
AfricanArab

Dear family:

It with great pain that I write this. The struggle for the education our youth deserve is a daily battle; one that speaks to the beauty of present, past and future, and all aspects of our individual and collective identity. At Jordan High in Watts, the struggle is not only mental, it is physical and emotional. A struggle to challenge and transform individuals and institutions that do not speak to nor help heal from the daily violence faced by all- whether caused by streets or police, deportation or incarceration. Yet when we who willingly choose this profession out of our love for people are attacked and harassed in ways that stifle and prevent our effectiveness, we must a make public stand.

The stand has already begun by the students, demanding the reinstatement of a fellow colleague and phenomenal organizer

Many of you I've met through my work as a poet who utilizes the Arts as an alternative intervention to the violent self medication methods we employ to deal with this sickening system we live in. The work to enhance global perspectives while transforming our localized reality is steadily becoming interlinked. Our purpose: to struggle against all methods that dehumanize, steal, and abuse our loved ones. It is estimated that of up to 40% of youth within District 7 of LAUSD are living within the foster care system; of those, several have lived through the trauma of parental deportation, intersecting the need to articulate the right to an education with the right to be free from violence, insititutional and individual. For threat of violence looms before, during, and after school when the residue of institutional trauma lingers fresh in the mind as the blue bruises on the skin.In my two years at Jordan, I have had three students shot, four become homeless, over a dozen experience court, and several who, when kicked out of their foster care placement, lived house to house. In this city called Los Angeles, we rank #1 in Teen Birth Rates and among the highest in incarceration rates. As murders by the military increase globally, so do they locally, with a 30% increase in homocides in L.A. county in the last year.

Yet rather than creating models and establishing partnerships between the abundant amount of people working to transform our communities, I have to spend my time writing rebuttals to multiple "informal classroom observations" that say nothing of my teaching ability or pedagogy, just question the justification for a "poster hanging on a wall". Another documentation was made when I used a cell phone to request graffiti removal due to the absence of a working phone in the classroom. When seeing the principal, I called him over to show him the graffiti. The next morning I found an observation form in my box with no words but: "teacher on cell phone". The previous year, after receiving a positive review on my annual evaluation, I was informed I would be transferred to another academy within the school without my consent; stripped from my students who I worked hard to build a relationship and trust with.

Recently, a colleague of mine, Karen Salazar was fired for using L.A.U.S.D.'s approved text "The AutoBiography of Malcolm X", when administrators stated her teachings were too "Afro-centric." She was then told that the school would not renew her teaching contract for the upcoming school year. Salazar's class is a favorite among students on campus, where they regularly read and analyze books and selected readings from people of color to whom the students can relate. Students, who typically skip some of their classes, show up religiously to English Class. However, much of her success has also led to constant harassment by Jordan H.S. administration. Salazar has been "observed" by the administration over 15 times in the past year. As a Jordan student put eloquently: "The school knows that Ms. Salazar is a very passionate and good teacher, and yet they want to fire her. It is not fair because there are many other teachers who don't teach anything, and they never get fired. "

In addition, the current administration under the leadership of Stephen Strachan, has overseen and or authorized:

*strong-armed tactics that have intimidated, humiliated, and controlled teachers, students and parents. *the improper purchasing and placement of metal detectors at high school entrances with money he was not authorized to spend.

*The forced scheduling of students into classes segregated by gender WITHOUT obtaining prior parental consent, as is required. * * A school-wide uniform policy without community input, much less full community approval

*Jordan High's #1 spot for LAUSD schools in SUSPENSION DAYS - over 900 suspension days were handed to students in ONE School year alone - nearly FIVE YEARS OF INSTRUCTION). *

*A mass exodus of teachers, averaging dozens of resignations at the end of each school year in which he has been at Jordan.. *The harassment, detaining, and suspension of students organizing for a better school and community.

When students recently organized to demand the contract renewal of one of their favorite teachers (Karen Salazar), many were called into the office and threatened with suspension for passing out flyers to protest her removal. As a result of community pressure, students were allowed back to their classes. Since then, the school has stopped answering phone calls, allowing them to screen calls and only allow non-Salazar and suspension related calls to be returned. The principal has now claimed to be receiving "threats" to justify the increased presence of police in front of the school. SIX POLICE CARS were brought to the front of the school the day of the protest and remained parked there to intimidate the beautiful youth of Jordan High. Increased police presence at the school has continued since last week.

Concerned community members are now DEMANDING the following:

**** The contract renewal of teacher Karen Salazar (who teaches youth about identity, critical literacy, and explicit/ implicit/ theoretical analysis using culturally relevant texts). If not, the call for the removal of Principal Stephen Strachan. ***

Action #1******* JOIN the students and community in protest of Salazar's firing tomorrow, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 11th at 3pm at Jordan High (2265 E. 103rd St, LA, CA 90002).

The Association of Raza Educators will hand-deliver a letter to the principal calling for the written renewal of Salazar's contract to avoid further actions.

If you are unable to attend, there are following actions.

Action #2) Fellow teachers from Jordan will be holding an action in support of Salazar.

Actrion #3) Email LETTERS OF SUPPORT FOR WATTS YOUTH to Students4Salazar@gmail.com or visit myspace.com/wattsstudentunion

Action #4) Forward to ALL- we must not let the erasure of our education to be allowed silently.

Action #5: Call Jordan High School & LAUSD & tell them you want Salazar to stay, otherwise we'll ask for Strachan out. When calling make sure to identify yourself as a concerned parent, community member, student, or educator.

Jordan High: (323) 568-4100 LAUSD Local District 7: (323) 242.1300 Email Board Member Richard Vladovic: richard.vladovic@lausd.net

The YOUTH DON"T WANT SYMPATHY- THEY WANT SUPPORT!

Thank you immensely for your support while working at Jordan. My work will continue because my heart will not change; To paraphrase Salazar: "Why do I teach? I have no alternative but to struggle daily for the rights and beauty of the people I love." I will be building with youth in L.A. for years to come, just not at Jordan. The demands of the Watts Student Union, ranging from "PTSD Days" to "full administrative budget disclosure" continue. Till all walls dissolve and we are able to return home to our loved ones.

Mark Gonzales, M.Ed

Educator, Poet

Founder

Human Writes Project

humanwrites@gmail.com

humanwritesproject.org

Quite possible one of the most genius things I've ever read

I think I fell in love a little.

so so tight

Deen tight.

So Very Missed

May 19th, 1925
a savior born


February 21, 1965

humanity mourns

Ra7mat Allah 3alayk, Our Shining Black Prince...I miss you.

"Bloody Brilliant"

Iraq needs golf!

"SHUT.THE.HELL.UP. Goodnight and good luck."

Olbermann rocks my socks.

Today and Everyday

Growing up - or growing older is probably more accurate as my immaturity has its shining moments often - I've grown to appreciate everything my mom has done, is doing, and am certain will continue to do everyday. But as wise I think myself to be, I know I will probably never fully grasp the amazingness of my mom until I have kids of own. And probably not even then.

Living away from home, its so easy to get caught up in the mundane lives we lead, running just to keep pace with a world we're so eagerly chasing. So easy to forget the ones who've sacrificed so much to make us the people they hope we are. So easy to pick up the phone just to say "hi, im still here, and i want you to know im ok. you're in my thoughts." Because really, thats all they want. Even though what they deserve is so much more than we are able to give. I'm not really sure where my mindless meandering is going, but its just some thoughts that always invade my mind when this hallmark designated day comes around every year and I see people scrambling to find the perfect gift to show their love for mothers. As if such a gift exists to give to a perfect person.

For the patience, the tough love, the sacrifices.
For reaching in with bare hands and removing the icky stuff that clogs the sink.
For loving when love is least deserved.
For the perfected unwavering death glare that stops you from doing something stupid again.
For teaching you how to throw a shibshib with perfect aim.
For accepting the flaws.
For cooking all your favorite foods when you come back home on your rare visits.
For always reminding you where you come from.
For always knowing - EVERYTHING, especially the stuff we try to hide. (Seriously, mothers always know. It's kinda freaky).
For making the best basboosa ever and not putting coconut in it.
For threatening you your husband will divorce you if you don't get better at housework.
For laughing when you responded "I don't care".
For emailing articles and songs you would like.
For holding burdens heavier than humanity's weight in gold.
For teaching you that it doesn't matter what other people think and do. (this of course translated into grades as well - it doesn't matter that no one got an A, you still should have.)
For not telling dad.
For making my soul rest.
For being the person you hope to be someday.
For proving that women are not as frail and breakable as some may think.
For loving a monkey and seeing a gazelle.
For being the poem I am never able to write...but everything I write is a poem to you.
For teaching me why heaven is under your feet.
For being you.


To all the sitt aldunyas out there...cuz everyday is Mother's Day.

امى ثم امى لحد اخر يوم فى عمرى

You can't make this up

So amazing, I have no words.

Favorite.Fetus.Face

Dear FetusFace,

I thank He who has brought us together at the most perfect time - not a moment too soon, not a moment too late ;)

Love,
OldFart


PS - I'm proud of you =)

Absolut Awesomness

Back in the day - when things were closer to ok.

FITNA?!?!

Not so much.

Geert Wilder's much-"anticipated" short film, Fitna is the biggest waste of cyberspace in the history of internet. That's saying a lot if you consider the stupid stuff thats out there. If you're going to attack something, at least do intelligently. The sheer stupidity of it was so overwhelming, I was amused rather than offended. Nevermind all the standard Quranic verses always taken out of context, the overplayed Danish cartoons (used without permission), using Danish rapper Salah Edin's picture to depict Theo Van Gogh's murderer, Mohammed Bouyeri, and the homogeneous labeling of an incredibly diverse community - there was just one thing that really got to me. The fact that Sh. Sudais' voice was distorted when reciting the "inciting" verses. I know they recognize the oral tradition and the effects of the recitation, but seriously? How you gonna go and take one of my favorite reciters and do his voice like that?

Punks.

Big Bro Freeing the Dumb

I was gonna write about how long I've known "Dr. Lewis", how he's been not just an amazing person, resource and mentor, but older brother and friend, how much I look to up to him but my words could never convey what I feel. So Check out "Dr. Lewis" kicking some O'Reilly butt!





Never been prouder to hear someone called "Doctor"...

West Coast to West bank

From no land to no face in cyberspace...

Watchu throwin away? WMDs?

"you can't catch a running african"

hee lay ree us. pure genius. love it.

do not let this universe regret you

This made me want to be my own personal revolution...





And here's Oprah's abbreviated version for you busy folk!

Genius Loves Company

This dude is pretty mashaAllah...







(thanks Sanoo2a for the link!)

The Tighter It Gets, The Fighter Spit Gets Harder

"And we’ll holler louder and be heard farther...We’ll raise one voice that joins across water"
(J. Carr - Global Intifada)

WORD

this is kinda dope.

Prayers Peace and Love

Dividing and Conquering with proxy wars....while a people burn.

and burn.

and burn.

and burn.

and burn.

and burn.

and those burning the media keeps ignoring.

"May the angels draw your veins for the pearls that swim inside of them...pulling them up to the surface that God may swallow them softly...and back into the precious surface they came out from..." (AM)

Oh Yes We Can

Interviewer picked the wrong Obama-ist to mess with. Check out how the interviewer came at him...and how his tone changed after Derrick held his own.



It's empowering to see groups mainstream media marginalizes - people of color who's intellect and voice goes unnoticed and unheard - let their spirit shine through. BIG UPS!

Check out Derrick's reaction to the interview as he expands his thoughts...




Hasta La Victoria Siempre

Because my simple words do you no justice

\









May 19 1925 - February 21, 1965

انا لله و انا إليه راجعون
"To Him we belong and to Him we return"

Ra7mat Allah 3alayk, Our Shining Black Prince...you will always be my King.