writing because I don't know what else to do

I just got back from Toronto last night - that's where I was when the Gaza bombings started. It feels inaccurate to say "started" when Gaza began dying over 60 years ago. Don't expect this entry to have any coherent thoughts or follow a clear line of thinking. Nothing is really making sense at the moment.

Over 350 dead. over 1000 in critical condition. over 40 of them children. Kids who look like my brothers.

I told my dad last night I hated Hamas while watching the news I had managed to avoid for the past three days. I told him I couldn't understand why they would keep hitting Israeli territory when they know the retaliation would be so much more than they could compete with. That it wasn't strategic. That all those lives lost could have been avoided. He was silent for a minute before he spoke. He said that Hamas were the only ones reminding people, reminding the world. when most of the Arab world is ready to give in, to lay down and forget the past 60 years, Hamas won't let the world forget. reminding them what Gaza is going through. reminding them that they do not deserve to go quietly in the night. reminding them to remember "We're still here."

Years of being politically active and I'd still forgotten. Take a way a people's will to hope, will to remember their struggles and remind others, you might as well erase them from existance. Hamas is forcing us to remember.

My dad told me to shut off Al Jazeera that I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from. The mood in the house is extra tense today. There's no handbook on how to react when your people are being massacred. Everyone seems on edge. I wish I had the blissful ignorance of my brothers and sisters and go about the meaningless routine of everyday life.

A lot of factors could be discussed here. Factors dealing with Mahmoud Abbas, Hosni Mubarak, Barack, Bush, Jordan, history and holocausts, right vs wrong, and other logical details to analyze the situation. I can't do it rigt now. My heart hurts and my head is spinning. I just want it to stop.

حسبي الله و نعم الوكيل

One Month Later

And I'm still exhausted.




And still in shock.

YES.WE.DID.